Brain held hostage by beer

Ni Hao Lindonians!

Ok listen up, Today is Day 1 of P90X (yes again)  Oh the joy. Well it's not that I despise P90x or any other kind of exercise...it's more like: why the crap did I not exercise in my early 20's to maintain a lean & healthy body? Well the answer is: It has a lot to do with the whole "drunken" phase that took over my brain & held it hostage for almost a decade. I can't really say "fuck your face awesomely fun drunk phase" Because...obviously, I liked it! But apparently it gave my body a bad allergic reaction & it got all swollen & puffy.

Here's what I have learned from my Drunken Hostage Phase:

• Beer is awesome.
• Tequila is only good if you like to vomit.
• Wine is the "pinky in the air choice of drink" of drunk bitches that love grapes.
• I <3 grapes.
• Grape Drank!!!
• Shots: doodoopeepeecaca.
• The "Beer before liquor" crap is a myth, but kudos to you if you don't give a shit.
• Vodka & I have a love-hate relationship.
• Becoming drunk may lead to putting stuff in your mouth. Like hot dogs. Hold the mayo please.
• Vommiting in the a.m. does not reverse the massive calorie intake from your drunken night.
• Always place a can of soda by your bed when you know you'll be returning home drunk.
• Drinking & Driving: Don't do it. You might end up getting bailed out from Las Cotijas.
• Drinking stronger beer= Less calorie intake for me because I'll be drunk with 3.

So in summation: I'm fat because I've been drinking like there was a beer fest in my mouth every weekend. Now that I'm older, drunk nights hurt more the next day, which is now a great thing! It's much easier to come to a good compromise between losing weight & my drunken habits. So here goes my first round of P90x for 2012. Goals: Get down to a size 5/6 (my ass is fat& not in a good way) Lose 10 lbs, Be able to rock a 2 piece by June, Be able to snap someones neck with my thighs. Wish me luck!

That is all for now, Cheers & Good day!

Welcome to Linda Land, Population 1 (for now)

Friday January 20th, 2012.....first of all, holy ball-sack! Wasn't New Years like a day ago? Time does fly as you get older. Maybe the older you get the more your brain tries to tele-pathetically tell you to hurry the crap up so it can finally retire? That made perfect sense to me.

I don't really have anything to blog about for my first blog EVER! Kinda just giving my fans/little people/ok i lied, my mom....a taste of what to expect from my blog. So for starters...

1. I cuss & if I cuss at it you...it means I <3 you.
2. So get used to it fucktards
    2.a. I'll be offensive & politically incorrect sometimes.
    2.b. Or not to be, I will be random.
3. I'm glad you're still reading this.
4. My blog posts will not all suck like this one.
5. You've made it this far! I can tell we're gonna be besties (thanks mom)

Welcome to Linda Land, you're officially a Linda-Landonian? .... Landian? You get it, welcome, enjoy, do not litter.